Today my baby left me. He got on a plain and flew to spain. Its going to be 8weeks before I see him again. Not really sure how I feel at the moment, in a way I'm excited for him and I really want him to succeed. Golf is his entire life and I'm just a small single part of it. But I'm lucky to even be anything :) My boyfriends special, he gets me. He helps me and excepts that I'm one fucked up mess, yet somehow he keeps coming back for me.

remember that night?

the one where we laid in bed and looked up slow, sweet music.

daniel bedingfield. barry white. james blunt etc.

you know what i mean now..

think of the hugs.

the kisses.

the love.

think of the tears we shared and our tight embrase.

how will i tear myself away when you go?

look at that smile.

things have been far too good.

i cant even describe how nice things have been lately.

like were finally realising what a short time we have left and embrassing every opportunity we have to see one another. i like the way we click.

i always put my foot in it.

and i mean ALWAYS.

kisses. they can mean everything. and nothing.

i used to think they were so important.

thats before i got my first.

and i used to be so ashamed.

it made me feel so ugly. and unimportant

just that nobody could ever want me.

but then it happened. like last week

and its such a nothing.

maybe it was just the person.

or the circumstances.

but i dont know.

wasnt that important.

i learned to feel good about myself without needing a guy to.
im not insecure anymore.

i cant help the way i am,

ill nevere be skinny.

ill never wear tight clothes,

fake tan,

cake myself in make up,

or be the type to serve myself on a dish.

thats not me

i wont ever be your kind of pretty.

because i care to much for people,

they have a tendancy to mistake that for attatchment or some other emotion.

but its not like that at all..

i simply have other peoples interests at heart.

i think thats my problem i always think of them and not me.

i always manage to end up the fool.

james morrison; you lyrical genious.

Love takes hostages

And gives them pain

Gives someone the power

To hurt you again and again

Oh, but they don?t care

And it kicks so hard, it breaks your bones

Cuts so deep, it hits your soul

Tears your skin, and makes your blood flow

It?s better that we know that love is hard

If it was easy it wouldn't mean nothing, no.

L

same face, differentt person.

These days all anyone seems to talk about are of those who have changed. We seem to forget those who haven't. Those who are stuck in time and will never be anything but the same. I'm talking about the ones we've lost. Lauren Evans; my beautiful cousin and someone who deserves to be mentioned. Shes's always been the same. Never innocent, always had her cheeky side :) a true llittle angel looking rebel. And for I know for a fact the way we have all known her to be is the way she'll be remembered in years to come. Her legacy will never taint.

Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing,

make the big mistake,

 to make it right and learn who's real ♥