to my inspiration - zoe.

letter one.

you are my best friend. the one thing in this life of mine that is perfection. a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul.
simply irreplaceable and her strong attitude is remarkable. for a young girl to experience so much sorrow and channel it into making other peoples lives better - like mine for instants is amazing. i will forever be thankful to her for being my life saviour and helping me in my time of need.

this time its her who needs me and i will walk along side her throught the potholed road of life and offer not guidance but companionship. everbody is going through tough times, the irony in it all is that they all believe that what they are going thrugh is just as bad if not worse then what you are. life isnt about understanding your troubles, its about surviving it.  everbody deserves the best of what this world can offer and i believe that she of all people is worthly of a lifetime of happiness.

she is the strongest person i know; my inspiration and i admire her for so many reasons. if only she knew what a impact she has on peoples lives, maybe she'd realise that she IS better then this. she can BEAT this and she is NEVER alone. she fixed me, and i will try to fix her.

im staring at the clock and i just can't sleep. its quarter to 6 and im wide awake still since 2am. fml!!! i like this. its easy and relaxed. nothing serious just hanging out and enjoying the company, that's what i want from now on and as a matter of fact he is lovely :) makes me laugh when he moans about slow drivers and how he sings along to music. total geek but its fun isn't that how its always supposed to be or do people just forget that? they get so caught up im things and over think situations just chill. take a back seat if you like and make the most of here and now :) x

rip beaut.

perfect day at the beach with the extended family. got to burnt but kept me occupied. I'm quitin my job though. heads still fucked up :( laurens run today. thinking of you babygirl xxxx

be a bird, fly back to me

iv lost everything. myself, my confidence, my sense of being.
im nothing, iv always been nothing and you drilled that in to me. by the end i was believing that i was worthless. whats left? why am i still here thinking to myself about you & us?

feelings deep inside

im loosing myself all over again...

Today, I found myself with this overwhelming need to make a decision, like I should be spending my time weighing out all these various options that seem to be throwing themselves at me and make some sort of a solid decision.


When did being sixteen become so difficult? When did being a girl become such a dramatically draining experience? When did boys become so horribly complex? And lastly, when did this world become so, so cold; regarding not only the temperature, but also emotions.
Honestly, how can I be urged to make a decision when my options are tugging me in all sorts of direction? I'm treading in deep water and I'm crossing my cold, scared fingers for a lifeboat to come rescue me sometime soon because I can't find a way out...

-iwasmadeforyou