bdhzusndbsksk : gone.

I can't sleep, I can't function and I sure as hell can't stop thinking.

Iv cried too much, laughed to little and fake smiled enough.

Now it's time for shit to get real, pass me the vodka and move the fuck over because I'm planning on dancing the night away and ASAP!

life is a roller coaster

Struggling! Even words can't explain what I feel - I need a cuddle and only you will do.

Your first; your last; your always

I don't just think there's one person, I think there's many. You can love a lot of people in a lifetime... Could you be one of them?

That old chestnut...

What could have been? - that's what people always say. Iv got empty spaces in my head filled with that life long question.

The different paths I could have taken, the people I could have and shouldn't have met and wondering if I'm ever going to shake the feelings that are locked away in me.

I.love.you (honest)

In a lifetime, you will say I love you to more people then you can imagine. It will be said many times, heard lots, but only be meant to very few.

I love you gives you the power to ensure the other that your committed to what you have whether its a friendship or a relationship.

Three simple words have never been so double ended, it can be the end of a relationship: "I love you, but it's me, I can't do this "
Or it can be the start of something: "I love you more then anything"

I love you is understood by everyone, can be spoken in many ways and given the chance everyone would wish for it.

i always give away my heart, little pieces to different people over the years.

if i fall apart look the other way,

when all the things i need feel like a dream.

and every breath i breathe is so hard,

i just want a reason to hope, a reason to know that i should still be here

maybe just a glimpse of the light, a patch of blue sky...

something to believe in

i just want a reason to hope

i just want a reason so that i should not let go

its hard to say that times are bad,

because i can admit its been much worse

these days are awfully hard and the prayers come out

as im on my knees wondering what is it worth to still be here

1, 2, 3, floor

Im drinking more, partying harder and wasting my life on the memoreies of what could have been. thinking of the people i miss and the reasons as to why im doing this. how did i get myself into this situation, how did i end up as that girl. the one i would look at and think 'disaster'

Decorating is soothing..

Guess whose decorating her room after 3years in the same home....yes me! It's taking time but I know its guna be worth it. I needed to cleanse the walls of all it's past secrets and let them go. so many bad memories, I needed to create a new space to breathe. Dusting out the old him and the old friends that have come and gone. A coat of paint can hide the many sins but it takes you to whisper its time to let go...

Times a healer

I haven't blogged in a whole! It's been a crazy year and I haven't felt like I needed to but now I'm guna blog so much more!!!

Missing someone that was once a huge part of your life is possibly one of the worst things. Knowing that once everything was so different than what it was today. What an earth happened. I can't figure or pin point where it all dissolved. A friendship like a candle that fought to the end of it's flicker and then just turnt to smoke. i guess in a way if you were to actually talk to me now you'd realise how god damn grown up I am. but you'd still see that I would like to have a friendship with you again. maybe oneday you'll read this and realise that your reading about you and you'll text me and see how I am.

you are, in my eyes, perfect.

joke.

can you honestly tell me when you lived your life without;

bitching

lies

or

fakeness?

if she can jump from one friendship to another in such a short time then im sure shes not 100% a true friend.

there comes a time in life when you need to seperate yourself from those who dont have faith in you.
pull yourself away from all the shit and childishness that there is in your life and tell yourslf in the long run this is for the best. iv been grown up for such a long time, i began to get tired of all the bitchyness and fakeness. running back and fourth from friedships is not how i saw my life. i needed more then to be told i couldnt and more of that i could.

look at me now, i have a dream job i always new i would deserve...

loveee xxxx

FASHION FASHION FASHION

i wanna be...

look at me and tell me ill always be the only one that makes you weak.

im talking about an icelolly! jeeez dirty ;)

iv got thi awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. like im the biggest failure on this earth right now. how can one silly little thing wreck my whole future within an email. it hurts to think how many people i will be letting down by failing. it makes me think of everything, question everything, contemplate everything. my life. whats been done by others and wondering how long it takes to change.

The biggest mistake I made was falling for someone that had fallen in love before. Truth is you never compare to the first, he'll never love you like her and certainly won't remember you like her. Face it. You lost the battle for him the day you gave your heart up. So what he loves you??? He'll still compare you to her.