i feel like i did then.
i can feel the awful black hole inside me, its eating away at me. its grabbing my lungs with both hands and suffecating me from the inside out. i struggle with emotions. some say im mental, some say im unstable and some say im to much to handle.
i know i am. i know what i put people through, still think i can control it?
s much people dont undersand, things they cant comprehend can happen to another.
laying here i remember the stiff bed i layed in that morning, waking up to the hand of my mother on my forhead. lookig down to see my wrists and the drip attatched to my weak hand. thinking everything was a dream.
i dont have the bility to trust anymore. im to far tortured in the soul to let you see me, the living me, the happy me. im an empty fucked up soul in a shell body right now. you'll never see how i used to smile at myself.
i look at the world and cant see any light or silver lining. iv lost a best friend, iv lost myself and the thought of loosing you makes me ache in places that shouldnt.
if the worst comes to the worst ill let you live the lifeyou deserve even if i dont get the one i think i should.
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